With summer here, and wedding season in full swing, I wanted to share a story with you all. A few months ago, I sat with a friend outside the closed doors to a reception hall, moments before she made her grand entrance down the aisle to marry her now husband. The bridal party was lined up to enter in procession to announce her arrival, and the groom was waiting inside with the officiator, along with their respective families. My friend then looked at me with tears in her eyes and said “I’m freaking out! What if something goes wrong? Should I even be doing this?” This is not the first time I have had a bride ask me these questions. I spend time with plenty of my couples before their wedding. I have never met a couple and thought “there’s no way those two make it to the altar.” The couples I meet are just so in love, and happy, and excited to get married. So why is it that, with so many couples that clearly want to get married, there are still couples – moments before their wedding – panicking about getting married?
I would like to share my thoughts on this, especially since many of you readers are preparing for your weddings now, and are probably having similar thoughts.
I think that there is too much pressure on couples to focus on performing the perfect wedding, and less on creating the perfect marriage. A wedding – to me – is meant to be a public display showing that you are committing yourself to another person and that person only. It’s meant to show the world that no matter what happens in life, this person will always be there to love you, and have your back. That’s what marriage is. That is the whole point of having a wedding.
Sadly, that goal is often forgotten when you’re elbows deep in ivory, cream, or white coloured napkins. We want to make such a grand showing of our love to another person that we often lose sight of why we wanted to get married in the first place. We don’t get married to show the world how much money we spent on a party, we should be getting married because we love someone and want to spend the rest of our lives with them.
Back to that friend of mine that was freaking out before her wedding. I couldn’t watch her freak out like this, although, having been in her shoes, I understood where it was coming from. I turned to her and said “Do you love him?” She said yes. “Did he ask you to marry him?” Again, yes. “My dear, we just did your first look photos, and I didn’t see a man that looked like he was going to say no. I saw a man that looked like he couldn’t wait to make you his wife. Do you remember that?” She nodded. “So do you know that he loves you?” Another yes. “Then what are you worried about? You are here to say ‘I do’ to your man, everything else after that is just a party, and you know how to party.”
Now, I have known this friend for close to 13 years, so I could get away with being this blunt to her. However, I think that the questions I asked her were sound. I want you all to ask yourselves these questions if you find yourself freaking out about your wedding: Do you love them? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with them? Do you know how much they love you? Do you know how excited they are to spend the rest of their life with you? Then why are you worrying? Everything else is just a party, and you know how to party.
I want to share a link to this Buzzfeed article called “12 Wedding Tips for Brides with Anxiety.” It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed on your big day. This article helps accentuate the point I made on how we stress too much about details, and not enough about making a marriage. It also provides tips on how to focus on what matters, and on how to relieve some of the anxiety we may be feeling leading up to the wedding.
I will leave you with these words of encouragement: your wedding day is going to be amazing! You are beautiful, smart, and talented. This is why you have nothing to worry about, because who wouldn’t want to marry you? Don’t worry about anything other than saying ‘I do,’ because everything else is just a party.